Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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