im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
