According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
