alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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