Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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