I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
