"it" just moved
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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