Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
