need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
