I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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