There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
