I am puke
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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