Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
