my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I party with great urgency now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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