Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
