Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
