is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
