So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
