There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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