We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
