i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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