i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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