we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
