I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
