Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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