just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
