so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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