You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You have to summon your inner elephant
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
