Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize