i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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