If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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