1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
