the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
