I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
