I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
