this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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