You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
