Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
