Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
