um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
