While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
