Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
