sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
