So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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