the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
