i think my mom watched the whole time
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
