in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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