Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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