I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize