***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
