I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
