I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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