I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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