I CAN MOONWALK!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
