I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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