How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
