I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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