Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
