Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
