I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
