I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
