Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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