She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
