I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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