peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
