And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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