i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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